"Lumban: At Week's End"

Nowadays, my weekends are a far cry from what they were about two years ago (usually overtime at the office on Saturdays). These days, however, I reward myself with some R&R by going to my hometown of Lumban, Laguna.

Here is a “chronicle” of what I did this past weekend:

“F.R.I.E.N.D.S marathon.” Last month, I got a complete DVD collection of this popular TV sitcom. I’ve always loved watching the (mis)adventures of Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Ross. My favorite character is Chandler, because of his witty sense of humor. So far, I’ve watched the first two seasons (48 episodes). Only eight more seasons to go! I must watch out for the one where Brad Pitt appears though… my cousin is in love with him!

“My 23-year-old YAMAHA keyboard.” I had a very nostalgic time playing some tunes with my old keyboard, which I’ve had since I was five years old! I thought it was broken, but it turns out it was still working perfectly! Now, I’m having a blast playing for my niece, Ashley, the same songs that I learned 23 years ago!

“My Big Love.” My aunt and I were just browsing channels when we caught this cute Filipino movie on cable. Similar to Hollywood’s “Shallow Hal,” it’s a movie about falling in love regardless of one’s appearance. I took note of Toni and Sam’s “five steps” (to anything): (1) Goal setting; (2) Start today; (3) No shortcuts; (4) Motivate / Inspire yourself; (5) Be happy… I’m adding a 6th: Do what you love and love what you do!

“Cleaning out my closet.” I sorted out one of the cabinets in my room that is filled with bags, CDs, tapes, old journals and all sorts of stuff. I rarely do this J, but it was quite liberating to throw away things that I do not really need anymore, and to keep those that I do.

“A walk in the park… part one.” On Saturday afternoon, I took my four-year old niece, Moira, for a walk around the “mini-park.” It was nice to just gaze at the river and the ever-flowing water lilies. We also walked around the Catholic Church and the old kindergarten that my cousins and I went to. On the way home, we bought some “isaw” (chicken intestine) and “dugo” (pig’s blood). Hehe.

“Back to back films.” Being the movie buff that I am, I caught half of “Alien vs. Predator” on AXN and half of “Lady in the Water” on HBO. I don’t normally watch sci-fi or thrillers, but I would have to say that these two were rather good in an otherworldly, strange sort of way. Plus, I didn’t know M. Night Shyamalan (“Sixth Sense” director) could also act!

“I love you just the way you are…” I had the strangest dream about American Idol’s Scott Macintyre early Sunday morning. In my dream, we were in some sort of a Trivia contest (not a singing contest). We were a team and we were also… lovers! It was actually very sweet. I think Scoot is an amazingly, cool guy!

“Feed your mind.” I usually peruse the Inquirer news on Sunday mornings. The latest case about Ted Failon’s wife is simply heartbreaking. I think suicide is a painful subject for any family to face; but to have it constantly featured on TV and to have your loved ones harassed by the police is pure injustice. I hope the broadcaster’s wife (God bless her soul) and family finally get the justice and peace that they deserve.

“Tempura.” On Sunday afternoon, my sister, cousin, my young nephew and I went to the grocery store to buy some stuff. One-year-old Matthew pointed to the Tempura, a crunchy snack… It is one of the very few snacks he can eat (he’s not allowed to consume legumes such as peanuts, soy and other stuff). Anyway, I just think it’s cute because he’s getting so smart! He knows what’s good and what’s not good for him!

“A walk in the park… part two.” On Sunday afternoon, I strolled in the park again… this time with my nephew Matthew. We hanged out by the river. I would ask, “Where is the water? Where is the boat?” and he would point to them. He is getting so smart! Then, we watched some people in the “plaza” play volleyball.

It turns out, the people playing volleyball were “gay” (a couple of which I recognized from school). The fact is… they are awesome players! I am glad to be living in a country where people can be happy and “gay” like that. About a week ago, I heard some news that in countries like Iran, homosexuals are abused and ill-treated. That’s just sad.

Nowadays, I live for weekends such as these… when I can enjoy life’s simple pleasures… I am glad to feel blessed (and not stressed)… at a week’s end!

"Mood Indigo"

"You aint never been blue, no, no, no… till you’ve had that mood indigo;
That feeling goes stealing down to my shoes… while I just sit here and sigh,Go along blues…” – Nina Simone

Lately I’ve been having the blues… about work, love and life (not necessarily in that order). Constantly thinking about it drives me nuts… and so I’ve decided to write it down… Writing doesn’t chase the blues away, but it helps to reflect and find other ways of looking at the situation.

First, about current matters… One of my most pressing concerns now is what to do when my cousin, who is my housemate… moves to Canada. Obviously, I cannot afford to rent the apartment alone. I could either rent a smaller place, live with a friend or with my aunt’s family. OR, I could relocate back to Laguna, where the cost of living is smaller. On the other hand, I’m not certain about work opportunities there.

Second, about work… I’ve been with the same company for more than two years. For me, that’s quite an achievement! And I don’t regret making a “shift” from research-writing to teaching, although the two are still quite related. I’m still learning, still a little afraid, trying to take things one step at a time. Eventually, though, I know I’ll have to take another “big step” – I have to, if I want to grow more.

Third, about love life… Oh, this is a complicated one. It’s been a loooong time since I had a committed relationship, and I have yet to meet “the one.” The fact is, when it comes to love, I think I’m too picky, and over analytical. Sometimes, I think what my highschool teacher said is true (Ang pag-ibig… pag inisip, nasa puso… pag “pinuso,” nasa isip). Still, I know that love will come in its own good time.

And finally, about… church. Lately, I have “distanced” myself from the “church.” For a number of reasons. I assured one of my friends that I haven’t turned my back on God (I could never do that). I just need a little more time to sort my thoughts and feelings out.

When I ask my mom what she thinks about all this, she would always say… “Whatever you do, I just want you to be happy.” I’ll be sure to heed her advice.

"Culture Shock"

I’ve always thought of myself as a person with “high tolerance” to shock… You can put me in any situation and my reaction will always be cool, calm and collected.

Or so I thought.

Last week, I was excited to go on my first ever “blind date.” I say first time, because, even though I’ve dated before… it’s always been with an acquaintance, or at least someone I’ve talked with several times at work or in school. Nonetheless, I’ve always been ”picky” and “careful” when it comes to these things. I usually know within minutes of being with a guy whether there’d be a second date or not.

And so, when a friend of a friend decided to set me up with a 32-year-old ”Chinoy”… I thought, “what the heck? i just might like him!” I wanted to do away with being picky for once and give it a try. After all, my friend and her friend would be there in case anything went wrong… it was the “safest” and most “shock-proof” blind date ever planned, right?

I couldn’t be more wrong. Minutes before the “appointment,” my friend called to say that the guy’s elder sister and business colleague would be coming along… I couldn’t believe my ears. His elder sister? This was a date, not a “pamanhikan” (marriage proposal involving family), right?

There had to be a logical explanation, I thought. Maybe this was how the Chinese do things… And that was good, right? It means the guy is a serious dude looking for a committed partner. And though I can hardly imagine myself thinking about marriage with a guy I haven’t even met yet… I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Again, the “maybe i might like him” thought.

And so my friend and I came to the appointed place, a restaurant serving Japanese food. There they were… the friend, the sister and the colleague.

But there was no sign of a guy anywhere.

I thought, maybe he’s coming later. Had to go to a business meeting or something. That had to be it.

The formalities began. I ordered noodles. Heck, I didn’t want to look like a hungry pig in front of someone who could probably be my future sister-in-law.

And then, the “interview” began. How old are you? What do you do? What school did you graduate from? What is your zodiac sign? Questions that seem straight out from a job interview were asked one by one as if I was applying for some top-notch position.

I smiled, answered politely, played it cool. That guy had better be worth all this “strangeness.”

An hour passed. The tone of conversation was casual, but every now and then I’d get sidetracked by a question. What does your father do? How about your mother? Your younger sister is married? Why haven’t you married?

Honestly, I didn’t mind the questions so much. There was just this nagging feeling that the guy was not going to show up… and I was too shy to ask the “sister” about him. My friend had better explain all of this!

And suddenly, “Do you have a picture with you?” the sister asked.

That was the last straw. I was cool outside, but seething on the inside. How dare they ask me questions and ask for a picture… when I haven’t heard a single information about this guy!

“No, I don’t have a picture. Perhaps I could send you one through the bluetooth on my phone?” I suggested politely, but reluctantly. I did not want to give them my picture!

“That would be okay,” she said.

My heart sank. I glanced at my phone, whose battery blinked out. Lo batt. I was saved!

“Sorry, my phone’s low batt…” I thought quickly. “Perhaps I could just email it?”

“Good idea.” (I wrote down the guy’s email. But I had no intention of sending my picture. No siree!)

After the “show,” I pulled my friend aside and demanded an explanation. However, it appears she was “shocked” as well! She didn’t know that the guy would not be coming, that I was going to be “screened” first before an actual date would happen!

Honestly, I felt shocked and more than a little upset. I had never heard of such a thing… my romantic nature was rocked to the very core. I was treated as if I was a job applicant! Whatever happened to friendly dates? Getting to know one another… actually meeting a real person?

My friend advised me to just look back at it as a “learning experience.” I couldn’t have put it better. For me, it was, indeed… an eye-opener. Such things did exist in other cultures… I respect that. However, the whole thing just doesn’t blend with my “free nature.”

Friendship, and eventually… love are supposed to happen naturally, right? You don’t plan them. They just happen and grow and develop in their own good time.

As shocked as I was, I’m perfectly okay.

My incurably romantic nature is still intact… and I’m positive that my next “date” wouldn’t be so bad!

"Gentle"

He is like a gentle flower

Ever swaying in the wind

The slightest breeze, a drop of rain

Would make him wither down in pain

He came one day, in his silent way

Eyes often sad and blue

So taking his hands in mine, I say,

"There is beauty inside of you...

Soon, time will pass, the page will turn

And we will be apart.

But remember this, my gentle flower

...You'll always be in my heart."

"My chocolate box"

And there they were...

All eyes upon me as I glanced at the "L" shaped polvoron bars
And my cake, a Fudgee bar topped with Zestro straw for candles
It was the sweetest birthday gift ever

My heart touched by kids who drive me crazy at times
But make my heart melt with their laughter and smiles
I treasure them in my heart of hearts
In my very own chocolate box

A gift from a friend, a moment shared
The little things that make life so grand
Daily snack time at five-thirty
Stories told over sandwiches and "Oishi"

My mother's voice, my father's laugh
A family filled with joy and love
I treasure them in my heart of hearts
In my very own chocolate box

First Love

Today I watched a splendid Christmas play at a church in Makati with my students, Andy and Jin. It was so beautiful! The performers were fantastic, their voices angelic. Indeed the title "From Heaven's Throne" truly describes their message... and once again I am reminded of that day, two millenia ago.

The day when the One who would perform the greatest act of love for you and me... was born. The One whose Name almost everyone knows and yet whose life and message not everyone understands... Jesus.

When I think of Him, my heart overflows with wonder and awe... How can I describe it? In my deepest, darkest hours... He is my comfort, my source of strength. When problems get too heavy to bear... He carries me. In my happiest moments... He smiles at me through the clouds, flowers, trees... and through the eyes of people I love... He give me wings.

Words are not enough to express the joy of knowing Jesus... He is our Light in this life and beyond... our First Love yesterday, today and forever.

Merry Christmas, everyone! May your lives be truly blessed!

Delicate Girl

"Delicate Girl is a song about meeting someone that you're never gonna see again." - Chris Collins, lead vocalist, Planet of the Stereos

"Delicate Girl" is the title of a song I really love nowadays. I discovered it in my phone... it turned out to be a composition by an Australian band called Planet of the Stereos (formerly The View).

I especially like the message of the song... Haven't we all experienced that kind of feeling before? Life can be so fleeting... faces, memories pass by ever so quickly... like the pages of a book blown by the wind...

I still believe, though... that it's up to us to nurture relationships... despite the distance. This song reminds me to live, really live and cherish each moment with special people in our lives.

I also think we're all "delicate," meaning we are all vulnerable, in a way. We need each other. And we need to listen more, to give more and to love more.

Here is the music video for "Delicate Girl." Let me know what you think :)

Forgive and... I forgot!

This morning I stopped by MiniStop to buy a little something and thus get change for my hundred peso bill. I grabbed a sandwich and went to the counter. As the cashier ran my purchase, a shop assistant went to heat it in the microwave. I took my change, put it into my wallet and then into my bag. Then I hurriedly walked out of the store.

I was already on the jeepney when I realized I had forgotten something very important... my sandwich! It was still being heated in the microwave! I can only imagine how the people in the shop reacted! I mean, I think I walked out too fast before they could catch me!

I suddenly remembered a scene from a Korean movie, "A Moment to Remember." The girl left her Coke and her wallet in the store. When she came back, she accidentally bumped into a guy holding a Coke... which she thought was hers... so she took it and drank it in one gulp! When she came to the counter, the cashier dutifully returned her wallet and her Coke!

Later in the movie, she bumps into the guy again.. who actually turns out to be the great love of her life! Alas, the movie is a sad one... she eventually loses her memory (Alzheimer's), which causes a lot of pain for them both...

I can be very forgetful sometimes... I always lose things such as pens, handkerchiefs, and umbrellas (I always end up buying a new one)... My forgetfulness worries me sometimes. I thought about this on my way to work this morning...

I also realized that sometimes, we forget what we should remember the most... God, people, relationships... things that really matter. And sometimes, we tend to remember things which are better left forgotten... pain, grudges and worries.

In the course of life, I hope I always know when to forget and when to remember. At all times though, I hope I always know how to forgive.

As for my sandwich... Should I go back and get it? Who knows... I just might bump into someone!

Love, laughter, bridges & walls

This morning I watched a CNN show about a North Korean family defecting from their country. A South Korean man, who is a Christian, was helping them.

I cried at the young girl's words... at how sad she felt at having to leave the country of her birth, yet she knew it was the right thing to do. Her father shared that its not that he was betraying his country... he just wants to find his freedom.

I felt so moved, so sad. People should never have to feel that way about their own country.

And I feel blessed to be where I am now... to have been born in a country full of love and laughter... where there is freedom, despite the pains. Wherever I go, I will always be grateful for the blessings I am given.

Speaking of pains, there has been a lot of hype over American TV show Desperate Housewives' remark about "med schools in the Philippines." The one where Teri Hatcher's character implies that Filipino medics were... not good? Unqualified? Come on!

In my indignation, I signed on an online petition for the show's producers to cut that line in subsequent airings. For their part, ABC expressed an apology... but is it enough? I heard that the Philippine Medical Association would not accept such a thoughtless remark about their abilities as health professionals.

I have often encountered such remarks. These can be racist, makes fun of people's appearance or looks down upon their social status. Whatever you call it, and however its delivered -- its offensive. Period.

In this day and age, I like to think that "racism" and discrimination no longer exist... but they do. Perhaps not in the same way as they used to be known, but in other ways... perhaps more subtle... but just as potent.

I think, a person cannot really understand oppression unless he or she experiences its sting. And we, as Filipinos, have taken its blows over and over again. And we have always stood up, ever stronger, ever more aware that we shouldn't do it to others as well.

In the end, its no longer a matter of race, appearance or social status. Its whether we took the time to be kind, to protect and to care from the heart. Its about building bridges of love, not walls of hate or indifference.

And love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Shades of green and red

The other day, a student of mine shared that he was color blind. Particularly, he cannot see red or green colors... only shades of gray in their place. It was my first time to meet someone like him.

I was absolutely stunned.

Imagine... riding a banca over the Pagsanjan rapids, looking up at majestic emerald cliffs covered with trees and grasses and shrubs... Imagine not being able to see the lush, beautiful shades of green!

Picture these... a delicious apple, long-stemmed roses, cheeks smeared with lipstick... Imagine not being able to be delighted by the bold, electric shades of red!

Imagine seeing violet and recognizing only the blue (red plus blue equals violet, remember?)... Or mistaking an orange for a circular lemon (red plus yellow equals orange, yap)...

Imagine not being able to read traffic signals!

The encyclopedia shows that color blindness occurs primarily in men (thank goodness), with eight percent of the total population... as compared to women, with only 0.44 percent.

I cannot imagine a world without colors... Even my dreams come in multicolored episodes!

I wanted so much to explain to my student how "cool" green was and how "hot" red was... how soothing, gorgeous and wonderful they were! But how could I explain this to someone who has never seen them?

We live in the same world. And yet a slight difference in genes alters our whole universe. And that's just talking about eyesight. Imagine differences in culture, language and ideas. I remember what my psychology teacher once said, "Each one of us has a totally different way of looking at the world."

So... how can I describe red and greed to someone who sees only shades of gray?

I don't know... but I'd certainly like to try.